I am still hung up on a the blonde beauty I’ve been fantasizing about for years now – Alison Angel. I think it has to do with those perky big boobs and those lovely pink nipples. Anyway, today is “stroke it to Alison Angel day”, so give me a few minutes while I go rub one off. Her page here on this site is
http://www.regularpervert.com/blog/alison-angel-has-her-own-page-on-regularpervertcom/
and you can also check out some stuff on her at http://www.alisonangelzone.com.

Some hot girls masturbating for FTV in these movies:

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Go get your nitroglycerine pills. And pick up some Viagra while you’re at it. This chick is hot enough to melt the sun.

This ass looks so appetizing and clean, I would eat Cheerios out of it in the morning…

I have been almost completely asexual today. What’s a pervert to do? A guy like me can’t go the whole day and not thing about deep-rodding. So let’s do this. It’s been awhile since we talked about Cynthia Sin, but she is back on the prowl again. This time she has a blonde friend in tow, and it looks like she likes to lick labia and probe with dildos. Also, she has a nice chocolate starfish. And if you like freaky muscular milfs, there’s a new section added to the website.

This girl is allowed to cook me pancakes tomorrow morning:

G-string action:

I can’t fucking win. I try to be a nice guy, and BAM I get nailed for it. Lady grabs me going into the gym to workout and asks me if I can help change her flat tire. I go out in the rain to change her tire, and do my best not to stare at her big, fake, but very interesting-looking boobs that are behind a white sports bra that is slowly turning transparent. I was only semi-sucessful. At the staring thing, I’m not dumb enough to screw a spare tire up. I almost get done when her Ahole big hairy boyfriend shows up and jumps out of his redneck Ford pickup truck and tells me I’m doing it wrong. What the F, man? Then he yells at the lady to go put some clothes on because she’s half naked and I’m a stranger and I’m staring at her tits. This dude turns to me and says (get this…) “YOU HAVE A LOT OF NERVE.” I took the tire iron …

What makes me horny today?  Mostly, today I am fantasizing about panties.  This may be because last night I was walking through the clothing section of the local K-Mart, and this chick came sauntering out of one of the dressing rooms wearing a bra, panties, garter belt, and nothing else.  Her garter belt was not hooked into any stockings – the garters were loose and flapping as she walked – but I’ll forgive her.  When she saw me, she stopped, looked me over, decided I was harmless (am I?), and continued around a rack to (I hope) bend over in front of a mirror and check out her ass.  As you can imagine, this left an idelible impression on me.  I would have chased after this girl and asked her for a handjob an autograph, but my significant other was not far behind me.

Smack that ass. Tell to get down on all fours, face down ass up. If you get tired, tell her to use a toy, maybe even one that looks like a ninja weapon? Grab a bite to eat to reinvigorate yourself, but keep in mind the dinner table is not just for meals. Make her dance a little and shake that thong. Some women jiggle more than others. If she is really naughty, get your girlfriend to flash her stuff in public.

In the spirit of a hot-ass summer, many of the galleries I’ve spotlighted today involve water. And hot naked wet women. If you’ve ever had sex underwater, you know just how exhillarating that can be. Also, an underwater orgasm typically sends a white jellyfish swimming through the watter that is both entertaining and a bit disgusting.

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I’ve hooked myself up over the past few years with more than a few movies and pics of Bianca Beauchamp. That’s because she’s hot, and I dig her. Also, she has big nipples. Doesn’t Linkin Park sing about big nipples? Maybe not. Anyway, here’s another collection. I think I may lover her. I would definitely give her a little warpaint on her pretty face.

So I was easedropping on these two dudes in the gym today, and overheard one them talking about a Realdoll. These are those famous life-size latex dolls that look real and are anatomically correct if you know what I mean. The guy that was saying he had one was this old duffer who swore it was for a bachelor party for one of his friends. Yeah, right. He says yep, got her in the car right now, and she is sexy. Being the pervert that I am, I introduce myself and traipse out to the parking lot to check out the doll with them. I am ashamed to admit, she was hot. Perky boobs, sexy face, ready and wet. What more could I want? Unfortunately, they cost like $3500 US. So I came home and did the next best thing to buying one. I found a Realdoll website where they show guys humping the dolls. I have apparently sunk to a new low.

I’ve always had a thing for satin panties. When I was a kid, I got dumped off at this ugly girl’s house so that she could babysit me. She made me do two chores which I detested then and still do to this day: 1) walk the dog, 2) fold laundry. I remember a couple of times I would come across a pair of her panties in the laundry basket and it would give me a huge thrill. She had this one pair of silver satin panties that absolutely mesmerized me. Maybe that’s why I have a satin fetish. Anyway, the porn matrix below is a like a where’s waldo – find the satin panties and you win the price (a hot babe).

I actually got laid in a McDonald’s bathroom today.  I took this girl to lunch and she has been teasing me off an on ever since I sent her a dildo as a Christmas gift in the mail.  It was sort of a joke, but she has been harassing me about giving me a haircut and rubbing her boobs in my face for a big tip, so I figured what the hell.  The sextoy must’ve worked some magic, because this girl was playing the slut to a T.  She shimmied out of her panties and hung them around my rearview mirror on the way to the Golden Arches.  They were sexy panties too.  Uh, no skid marks.  We had some dirty bathroom sex in the ladies room, and it made me feel dirty.  There was an immediate sense of shame after I orgasmed, partly because I was disgusted with myself that I would sink to a new low in such a nasty environment, partly because I took no interest at all in her pleasure.  I just humped like a rabbit on crack and shot my load with to concern about getting her off.  She seemed to like it, she left me three voicemails on my cellphone this afternoon.  I will not call her back for awhile.  Next time I want to have <a rel=”tag”>sex in the pool</a> with her just to make up for the bathroom incident.  I will turn her back to the wall and let one of the waterjets shoot up her bunghole.  Speaking of the “dark nexus of a woman’s being”, check out photo number 5 below, may favorite from today’s perverted stash.

The bevy of beautiful babes never ends here on Bert’s favorite pervert channel. I’m a little worried about the last chick – she looks like she’s about to get a little grass (and maybe some treebark) in her ass. The good news is, lesbians are back and my pants are down. The bad news is, it’s Sunday, I have to go to work tomorrow, and the best looking chick in the office has no boobs whatsoever.

Grab your boobs and flick your clit, Bert is back in town. I gotta choke my chicken, so I don’t have have time to entertain you fools. I don’t know about you guys, but this is enough to get me started:

I freaking love tanlines. They are a total sensory experience for me. Tanlines look great. I think they probably smell great. And wherever they are on a girl’s body, I always feel the need to lick them. Anyway, as you can tell from my diatribe, my favorite of the galleries below is the girl with the tanlines.

I went to the pool this weekend and it was like a gigantic dose of testosterone getting dumped into my system. There were hot teens running around in bikinis with their young perky boobs thrust out. There were milfs rolling around tanning with their nipples half falling out. I was about to ask one of the kids if I could borrow a pair of their googles so I could scope some of the action out underwater. Don’t you love how chicks kick and thrust and buck when they are in the water? I think I came close to drowning a couple of times as an adolescent sitting on the bottom of the local public swimming pool watching all of the girls swim above me. My favorite of the galleries below is the oriental chick that has her bush flashing about in the pond.

I swear Met-Art consistently has some of the hottest chics on the entire planet. Every time I go surfing for porn, I end up running accross some Met-Art babe that is just too gorgeous to ignore. And there are so damn many of them! Where do they find so many hot babes? They up date their website with not just a couple of times a week, but just about every day. And not with just a couple of cuties, we’re talking about 6 or 8 chicks, lesbians, dildo gals, you name it. Anyway, enjoy the fruits of my labor…